The Best & Worst

Sorry I failed to make a timely post as promised. I spent most of my weekend holding a very whiny, sick 3-yr-old. His fever finally broke this morning, and he went to the doctor, today. I'm hoping we are on the down-hill side.

Okay, so before I begin my massage story, I need to explain two factors.
1. I only go to one place for my massages, and I don't vary AT ALL. I love her, I feel comfortable with her, and I love the environment. She knows I'm there to relax, and she knows I'm not offended if she doesn't visit -- in fact, I prefer NOT to visit. I just want my time for dark, silent relaxation. :)
2. I hate birds. I REALLY hate birds. HATE them.

Now that we have those two things laid out, here's what happened:

When I found the massage gift certificate in my car console, I was a little hesitant about even going because it wasn't to my normal location. But, since I knew Sam had gone to great lengths to make my day special, I wasn't about to skip out. I just told myself to suck it up, take a deep breath and enjoy.

I was somewhat leery with the fact that I was actually going to someone's home and not a business. When I walked around to the back side of the house, the entrance door had a sign that said, "Please knock." For some reason, that made me very nervous. After I stood there for about a minute, the door was answered. She was friendly but seemed like I was her very first client; I think she was more nervous than I was.

I walked in, and right in front of me was my massage table. One side of the room, which was the north side of the house, had windows that had no covers other than blinds. Again, this -- along with the entrance door being right there -- was not inviting to me in any way. Oh, and the deep breath? Yeah, I should have never taken one...I gagged after walking in about 2 feet. All I could smell was smoke and dog. This "surprise" that was supposed to help me relax had instantly given me a migraine, instead.

Why didn't I walk out at this point? I have NO idea. Well, actually I do, because I thought about it once she told me to get undressed and she left the room. But, I simply did not want to hurt Sam, nor did I want him to lose the money that he had already paid. So...I pinched my nose, got undressed (leaving on my green & white boy shorts that said, "Bite Me"...which btw, Sam, you could have warned me NOT to wear those!), and made myself as comfortable as I could in the well-lit room. The kitchen was blocked off with closet doors, and a dog was happily running his nose across the bottom panel, trying to figure out who was in his house.

THEN...I heard it. A frickin' parrot. "Buddy, be quiet. Buddy, be quiet. Buddy, be quiet." Over and over and over and...

Yeah. I HATE birds. So this totally gave me the willies.

Eventually, she came into the room and began the massage. Somehow, I managed to get over the smells and the obnoxious animals...and it was Heaven. UNTIL...

*knock* *knock* *knock* *knock* *knock* at the door.

"Oh, dear Lord, please don't tell me she is going to answer that door with me laying here pretty much naked!"

She excused herself, walked out through her kitchen, and around to another entrance that is apparently on the other side of the room. She returned a few minutes later, indicating it was a delivery man.

Back to the massage again, I was just beginning to really relax and enjoy when the frickin bird started in again, the same sentence, about 10 times. Finally, the lady loudly stated, "Buddy IS being quiet! YOU are the one who needs to be quiet! I'm working right now!"

Oh, gosh. I was ready to crawl to my clothes, grab them, and crawl out to my car. :)

After another deep breath and few more gags, I was able to re-kinda-lax, again. Until a train came barreling through. The tracks are literally in this lady's back yard. The entire house shook and the sound made me want to grab my ears like Dominic and scream.

By this point, I was done. I was so ready to get up and leave. I didn't even want her touching me. I was irritated. The noise was too much. The light was too much. The stink was too much. The talking was too much. Ugh...

But, I didn't want to be rude. So I laid there...and it started feeling oh, so painful yet oh, so good. I had stress knots in places that I never even knew existed. It was wonderful. I didn't want to move...until...

*knock* *knock* *knock* *knock*...

She excused herself, again, and came back about 5 minutes later. Why I didn't leave that time, I'll never know. Apparently, when the delivery man came to the door, the lady's dog slipped outside without her knowing. So when she finally came back in, she was huffing and puffing, indicating it was a little boy at the door who told her the dog was loose and she was off to the races to catch him. I SO wanted to ask her to please go wash her hands and change her shirt before touching me again...

*shiverrr* yuck.

At this point, the phone rang. As if I wasn't already fuming, she seriously excused herself AGAIN to ANSWER THE PHONE! Really? Since when can you not respect my time -- that I have paid you for -- and let the voicemail pick up?!

Again, I was stupid -- or whatever you want to call it lol -- and I laid there...and laid there...and...

Finally, she came back in and started massaging me for the 10th time.

Needless to say, it was horrible. I was late getting out of there, which threw our entire schedule out of whack for the rest of Sam's plans, I was more irritated when I got home than when I left, and Sam felt really, really bad, which certainly was NOT how I wanted him to feel. I was so, so grateful for what he had done for me...and I loved the massage...segments...but...ugh...it was just awful.

At least the bird was happy, I guess.

Sam now knows that if my Lisa isn't available, send me to the park for some quiet alone time with a good book. :)

xoxo,
Sarah