Thankful Thursday

Today I'm thankful for the evening bathtimes with my babies. Crazy? Maybe. Last night while I was lathering the shampoo in Maya's hair, she said, "Mom, stop...I want to do it by myself." Becoming more independent with each tick of time. It just made me stop for a minute and think about how lucky I am to be able to spend that time with them each night...I get to wash their hair, pour water on their tummies, and scrub their stinky toes. Man, am I blessed, or am I blessed?! ;) What are you thankful for, today? xoxo, Sarah

$1,000!!!

I am SO excited to report that Team Victory has raised over $1,000 for the Autism CAREWalk this Saturday at Heartspring!! Woohoooo! Go, Dominic, Go!!

Thank you, to each and every single one of you who have either donated to support us or signed up to walk with us. We are so blessed to have such awesome friends and family who care enough to make a difference, not just when it's time for the CAREWalk, but with every single encounter you have with Dominic. There are no words to adequately express how deep our appreciation is...for your patience, for your love, for your prayers, for your research; for the hugs when we're frustrated, for the tears you shed with us along the way; for recognizing when Steph is exhausted and offering some relief...YOU ALL ROCK! And as a result, our sweet red-head is progressing by leaps and bounds on a daily basis.

Currently, Steph & Mike are in the process of adoption to make Mike a legal guardian of Dominic. There are several steps ahead, but we are excited to have the adoption underway.

I will sign off today with a cute instance of how we are learning about autism and the way figurative speech can get us in trouble. As most of you are probably aware, Papa (aka Rex lol) sometimes doesn't always catch certain words that come out of his mouth, which usually results in some really good belly-laughs for all of us. :) (And just for the record, I don't necessarily mean 4-letter words, as you will see.) So recently, we've all been watching a LOT of basketball--Go Shockers!!--and Dominic was playing with his basketball in the kitchen. When Dad made one of his usual comments, "Man, he's shootin' the lights out!", Dominic stopped what he was doing, you could see the thoughts processing in his mind, and he THREW the basketball up to the ceiling, hitting the light, yelling, "PAPA, I SHOOT THE LIGHTS OUT!!!" :) Thankfully, nothing was broken and noone was hurt. ;)

*****We welcome you to come walk with us, this Saturday at Heartspring! We will be arriving around 9:00 a.m., but the walk doesn't begin until 10:00 a.m. If you don't have plans, come join us...I promise it will be fun!*****

xOxO,

Sarah

Dumping Some Thoughts

First things first, this quiet Saturday morning...

HOW 'BOUT THEM SHOCKERS & JAYHAWKS?!?!?!?!

Okay, now that's out of the way so I can move on. :)

Not much happening today. A little cleaning...maybe. And lots of time with the kids...thankfully. Aren't your own babies just awesome? I mean, other kids are great, too...but there's just something about your own...

They're smart. They're silly. They're compassionate. They're intuitive. They're trying, yet satisfying. Love my Maya and my Gus. Maya, more-so than Gabriel, has been very aware of the emotions running in overdrive these past 2 weeks. She is so strong. A 4-year-old who comforts her sad mama and tends to her little brother. I don't know what she is going to be when she grows up, but I guarantee it will change this world. Andy my sweet Gabriel...he is just my precious little dude who has been a great distraction for the family, especially his Papa. :)

The day Grandma died, I came home from the hospital, and Sam told me I needed to tell the kids. So I went into the bedroom and explained to them that GGV had gone to Heaven to live with Jesus so they wouldn't be seeing her anymore at her house or at Papa's house or at church. Gabriel just repeatedly asked, "GGV went to Heaven?" His little mind couldn't quite grasp the concept. And Maya, without skipping a beat said, "but Mommy...that's okay because GGV isn't sick anymore." She immediately took on the role of a comforter. Just amazes me.

The day before the funeral, we were driving around in town, and Maya just busted out in tears. I was afraid maybe she had pinched her hand in the car seat or something...I kept asking her, "Maya, what's wrong? Why are you crying? What hurts?" And through her tears and brokenness, she said, "Mommy, I just miss GGV so much. I want to go see her." 4 years old. And she got it. I debated at that moment whether I should let Maya see her one last time, either by taking her to the funeral home or taking her to the funeral itself, as a means of closure, which is something we all need. However, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. For one, Maya carries the sadness that she sees her Mama carry...I did not want to put that on her--I wasn't quite holding myself together at that point. But more importantly, the last time Maya saw GGV, she was sitting up in her hospital bed, laughing and playing, and that's how I want Maya to remember her. And who knows, maybe Maya won't remember anything at all; but at least if she does, it will be pleasant.

I hated to hear her cry that day, knowing all too well the sadness she felt of missing her GGV. But once again, it was a confirmation of the special relationship she had with her great-grandma. And for that, I'm so thankful. Maya will have her GGV right in her heart, just like the rest of us. And, she will follow in those same footsteps that Grandma planted for me...not just to go to church, but to be involved...to be in Sunday School...to lead Missions...to be Women's Ministry President...and to have a beautiful relationship with Christ. Our path has been made. All we have to do is follow. And if we follow, we will have one rockin' reunion!

xoxo,

Sarah

Thankful Thursday

In Christ, there are no goodbyes,
And in Christ, there is no end,
So I'll hold on to Jesus
With all that I have
To see you again,
To see you again...

You can have all this world,
Just give me Jesus

Today I'm thankful for comfort...in music, pictures, in videos, in memories, in people, in Christ. I've also had a rough week with my "girlie issues," and I'm so very thankful for the incredible doctor that I have. I love her.

What are you thankful for, today???

xoxo,
Sarah

Just some more pics for now...

I Miss Her...and That's Okay.

First off, I want to say that the service on Friday was beautiful. Just beautiful. Exactly what Grandma would have wanted. So to everyone who helped make that happen, thank you.

To those who sent flowers...cards...food...money...thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. I am still relishing in the comfort and love that we have found in our family and friends. What an amazing group of people you are.

Honestly, I had no clue how this was going to impact me. I thought I was going to be a "big girl." I mean, I had tinkered with the reality of Grandma being 90...and I thought I had prepared myself for what was to come. And, even though I didn't expect it so soon, I thought I would be ready whenever that day arrived. Wow...was I fooling myself, or what?! I am finding gratitude in the brokenness and sadness...because it simply confirms to me that I had a beautiful relationship with my Grandma Victory--and that is something I will cherish for the rest of my life. She was with us almost everywhere we went--church, work, parties, holidays, picnics, boat rides, the Fair, the Farm, Memorial weekends, vacations...the list goes on. She was a huge part of our little family--Dad, Mom, Steph, Me...and Grandma. And I am so very happy that I can remember taking her to doctor appointments...then going to lunch...getting pedicures with her...and sometimes doing her toes myself...being there to have her taken to the hospital...and holding her in my arms--just last week. Thank you, Jesus, for every single moment I had with her.

So day by day, I will continue to grieve...I will continue to be sad...I will continue to cry...and that's okay. Healing will come. It will.

Thanks to my amazing husband, amazing babies, amazing parents, amazing sister, amazing brother-in-law, amazing nephew, amazing grandparents, amazing aunts, amazing uncles, amazing cousins, amazing church family, and amazing friends, I have been comforted throughout one of the biggest storms in my life.


I have had so many people tell me..."She's not hurting anymore."
"Sarah, she's in a better place."
"She lived a long life, and you were lucky to have her as long as you did."
"Don't be upset, everything is gonna be okay."

And, while I appreciate the consolation, I also want people to understand that I miss Grandma...and that's perfectly okay. All of us have our own ways of mourning...and right now, I just need to miss her. And tomorrow, I will miss her...and the next day...AND IT'S OKAY FOR ME TO MISS HER.

It's still so unreal to me right now. Every time I go somewhere, the memories just start flooding in...walking into to Walmart...even though it wasn't a place we frequented together often, it made me dwell on those few occasions that I did go with her.

Going to church today was a killer. Even though she hadn't actually been attending regularly since January, her absence today was unequivocal. And the memories of her sitting there in the middle aisle in her wheelchair--just two weeks ago--were overwhelming. I felt like I got punched in the gut all over again.

Having dinner at mom's...roast, mashed potatoes & gravy, broccoli & cauliflower with cheese sauce, and rolls...she should have been sitting right there next to me, in her regular spot...but she wasn't.

I had the Missions lesson tonight at church...and while she hasn't been my Secretary since last May, I kept looking down in her pew, hoping to see her sitting there writing...but she wasn't.

I will close with sharing just one instance of how weird this has been for all of us:
As I was sitting there at the cemetery on Friday, watching them lower the casket into the vault, my mom walked up behind me with her purse on her arm and said, "Are you ready? Where's your Grandm--..." We just looked at each other in silence, let the tears roll, then took deep breaths and walked away...without Grandma.

Missing her with all my heart,
Sarah

Celebration of Life

A Celebration of Life for Grandma Victory will take place on Friday, March 18, 2011 at Grace Church of the Nazarene, 1024 W 53rd St N, Wichita KS, 67204. Visitation will begin at 10:00 a.m., and service will begin at 11:00 a.m. Burial will take place at Fairlawn Cemetery in Hutchinson, Kansas.

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your outpouring of love to our family. Words cannot adequately express the hurt, sorrow, and grief in our hearts because of how much we miss her; yet, at the same time, we are rejoicing in the fact that she no longer has to hurt...she does not have to return to the carehome...her suffering is done.



Only a special grandma takes the time to smell stinky toes. ;)


May 21, 2010


Givin' Sam the finger ;)


Making silly faces at the carehome

The angels came.

11:40 a.m.

I feel like I've been socked in the gut. No matter how much I thought I was prepared...I wasn't. It hurts so badly. Even knowing she is with her Jesus, it hurts more than I ever dreamed.

Please hold us up in your prayers right now. Especially my dad...her baby...

More tomorrow after I can collect my thoughts.

Missing my sweet GGV tonight,
Sarah

Update

She pulled thru the surgery. Will remain in ICU. Thanks for your prayers.

More later.

ss

Grandma Victory

Had a rough day. Mom and Dad had to leave from church tonight to go be with her...then a while later, she had extreme pain in her stomach and became unresponsive. Drs cleared the room, and she later regained consciousness. They did a CT, which showed the severe pain is a result of the aneurysm in her stomach. They moved her to ICU. Dad said they were waiting on a decision from the doctor--I'm guessing whether to attempt to treat it or just to let it go.

She is now in surgery, please pray.

Trust His Heart

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When you don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His heart.

This song has been on my mind a lot this weekend. Thank you all so much for your love and prayers. Grandma is still fighting the infection. She has been very whiny, scared, and sometimes mean...almost just like she's back to being an infant. Please pray for her to have peace in her mind, heart, & soul.

xoxo,
Sarah

GGV Update

Went to see Grandma over my lunch break today. Just about killed me. She's confused, she's scared, she's sad, she's sobbing. When I walked in her room, she opened her eyes and sobbed, "Sarah! Please hold me! I'm so scared, Sarah...just hold me!" She continued crying out so I just held her as close as I could in my arms.

So I sit here, tears flowing freely with no intention of slowing down, and I ask you to fervently pray for Grandma Victory. Just pray.

Jesus, you have my heart and I am Yours forever...what a beautiful thing to know that we are Yours. Please give her peace. Feed her soul with Your comfort and Your love. Remind her that she doesn't need to be afraid, for she is worth more than the sparrows. Remind her that she doesn't have to worry about this life...that she doesn't have to be afraid...that she can just believe in You and she will be well. Let her feel Your presence...so she won't be so scared. May she remember the God she has served all these years is right there with her, holding her, protecting her, turning typhoon time into naptime and silencing waves with one hand. Be with her thru the night. Heal her body and command the infection to go. I am asking in Your name and believing in Your power.

Sarah

Grandma Victory

Just a quick update...I'm exhausted and ready to pass out.

Went to see Grandma tonight...she was not doing well at all. Total confusion--telling me she was going to a dance with her husband. She giggled and said, "Sarah...you're so racial!" Sweet grandma. She was in a cold sweat and shivering with extremely labored breathing. Not happy with what I saw, I called mom and told her I think Grandma needed to be taken to the hospital...Dad is out of town in Indiana right now. So mom went, and agreed that she needed to be seen by a better doctor at a better facility. So right now, they are at St. Francis trying to get her fever down and trying to get her hydrated so they can get blood for some tests.

I'll update tomorrow when I know more. Your prayers are needed.

xoxo,
Sarah

Just a glimpse...

The day began at 4:00 a.m. with Dominic awake and asking, "What we doin' today?"

With her early morning, crackly voice and a nauseous stomach from exhaustion the day before, she answered, "We'll get up and have breakfast."

"What's breakfast's name?"

"A poptart," she stated.

"Who's gonna have a poptart?" he repeated.

"Dominic is gonna have a poptart," she patiently answered.

"For?" he asked.

"For breakfast."

"Who's gonna have a poptart for breakfast?"

She smiled and said, "Dominic is going to have a poptart for breakfast."

"What we doin' today, Mommy?"

"We're gonna have breakfast, then get up and get dressed and go to Nan's."

"Where we goin'?" Dom asked.

"To Nan's," she stated.

"We gonna watch iCarly at Nan's house?"

"I don't know, maybe."

"Mommy, what we gonna watch?"

"Maybe iCarly, if it's on."

"Can I mow?"

"We'll see."

"What we gonna see?"

"We'll see if you can mow if it's not too muddy."

"Where we gonna mow?"

"At Nan's house."

Dominic hops away, and gazes out the living room window for a few minutes before standing directly in front of the tv to watch his iCarly video. He's occupied for a little while, so his mama goes into the kitchen to get breakfast. She reaches into the cupboard and grabs the box of poptarts. She pulls a package out of the box, unwraps it, and places the poptarts on a paper towel on the kitchen table. She calls Dominic to the table for his breakfast. He doesn't come hopping in, so she peeks around the corner to get his attention away from iCarly...and he isn't standing there. Just as she heads back to the hallway, she hears him gagging. As she picks up the pace, he meets her at the bedroom door. She immediately leads him to the bathroom, smelling the obvious odor and seeing he is covered in a mess. She gets him in the bathtub, cleans & disinfects his bedroom AND the living room--bedding, walls, carpet, furniture, everything. After cleaning, she gets him all cleaned up and eventually to the breakfast table.

The tears are ready to burst out...but she knows she has to stay strong, as this is just the beginning of the day, and it's not even 6 a.m.

Family...friends...and acquaintances...this is just a glimpse of 1 day, 1 hour, in the life of the Clopton family. Are you worn out yet, just reading yet? I sure am! :) And on a GOOD day, this exact scenario is likely to occur about 4 more times.

This is the very reason we are determined to help. We are determined to do our part, and act, on behalf of Dominic. And, I need you to help, too. Together, we can make a difference. You can be a pleasant reminder to Dominic...to Steph...to Mike...to keep going, even on the BAD days. You can be an integral part of getting Dominic and other sweet children the services they so desperately need and deserve.


On April 2, 2011 I will be walking in the Autism CARE Walk for my sweet "Honey-Honey-Lovey-Lovey," Dominic Alexander Victory! The CARE Program is an exceptional program that provides much needed services and support to families and children in our area. By walking and helping to raise money in support of Heartspring's CARE Program, I can make sure that families affected by autism spectrum disorders can continue to receive the support and services that they so desperately need. Autism is very close to my heart, and I'd like to ask you to make a pledge to support me. It's really easy! Just click on the link in the bottom of this post to go to my CARE Walk Campaign page and make an online donation to support the CARE Program and families affected by autism spectrum disorders!

I really hope you'll choose to join me with your donation! Every child deserves a chance to reach their full potential and for 75 years, Heartspring has provided that opportunity to thousands of children with special needs.

Did you know?
Autism costs the nation more than $35 billion per year, a figure expected to significantly increase in the next decade. More children will be diagnosed with autism this year than AIDS, Diabetes and Cancer combined!

Despite ongoing research there is still no cure for autism. Autism now affects 1 in 110 children, and 1 in 70 boys.

Check out my CARE Walk 2011 fundraising page: http://www.my.heartspring.org/campaigns/294, or make a pledge to support my campaign: https://my.heartspring.org/pledge/294

If you prefer not to use the online page, feel free to mail me a check...make it out to Heartspring, and I will get your donation included in my campaign!

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME HELP DOM!!!
xoxo,
Sarah