WANTED: YOU

Some days are so much harder than others. Today is a day when I just feel like burying my face in my hands and bawling. I have. And I will probably do it some more. The shadows loom, the winds chill, darker and cooler than what bears on the rest of the world. And no matter how you try to distract yourself, reminders pop up like whack-a-moles. Diapers. Hitting himself in the head. Yelling. Kicking. Screaming. Sobbing. Oh, the list goes on and on. And on.

It’s my belief that we have to literally make a choice to stop that list before it melts us. To rise, to breathe, to act. Stephanie keeps waking up and keeps breathing even when the heart-wrenching pain is unbearable. I don’t know how she does it. Grace, I guess. It’s gotta be grace. The grace that lifts your head after suffering and whispers, “Keep going.” The grace that dries your face after you’ve cried a million liters. The grace that gets you through the daily meltdowns. It’s what raises their arms to hug their autistic child when he’s smeared a mess on the walls. And the only way to arrive at that point of grace is to barrel through. There is no bypass or alternative route. Does it mean bawling 100 times a day? If you need to. Or maybe it means singing a song or punching a bag or keeping Dominic’s picture on your wall or screaming your prayers to Jesus. The good, bad, ugly and holy. Whatever gets you through today, able to face tomorrow, and one day closer to Heaven.

To pull myself through the day, I research. For what? Anything. Words. Assistance. Programs. Funding. Stories. Hope. Hope that someday, my Little Lovey can say exactly what he wants to say when he wants to say it. Hope that someday, he will go 24 hours without a single meltdown, that he can understand why he can’t run in the road, that he doesn’t have to feel pain from the buzzing of a lightbulb or the texture of a food. Hope that until we find a cure, we can find acceptance. Acceptance at the grocery stores. Acceptance at Chile’s and DeFazio’s. Acceptance at school. Acceptance from society. So my research today led me to an overwhelming fact: tuition at Heartspring, the school that would appropriately meet the needs of Dominic, is $9,000 per month. Unfortunately, that’s not a typo. All the zeros are valid and the non-existent decimal is correct. Go ahead and say it with me…”WOW.” Sure, there is assistance—but, it’s based on low-income status, so the majority of middle-class families are declined.

The “specialists” say that autism inhibits an individual’s ability to look at others’ perspectives, or appreciate others’ feelings. But sometimes I wonder—exactly who has a problem looking at others’ perspectives, and who can’t appreciate others’ feelings? Dominic can. And that little boy has taught me far more than I learned writing a thesis in graduate school. Every time I see a scowl, he teaches me grace. Every time I read something pertaining to sensory issues & repetitive questioning, affirming that he has a developmental disorder, he teaches me compassion. Every day when he embraces a world that often mocks, scoffs, and scorns him, he teaches me unconditional love.

Dominic is getting older. He’s growing. He’s changing. He is recognizing things, and to be quite honest, I believe he knows he is different. And, it’s frustrating. Frustrating that he can’t say what he means. Frustrating that he can’t use the restroom. FRUSTRATING THAT I WANT TO HELP HIM SO BADLY THAT IT HURTS. I NEED RESOURCES. I NEED MONEY. I NEED SUPPORT AND ADVICE AND ENCOURAGEMENT TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET DOMINIC ALEXANDER VICTORY THE HELP HE NEEDS, THE EDUCATION HE DESERVES, AND THE STRENGTH TO NOT GIVE UP.

I don’t know who’s out there with the ability to research. I don’t know who has an artful mindset that could come up with a meaningful t-shirt design…or a mantra…or logo. I’m sure someone could carve out a website…write by-laws…work a booth…organize a Valley Center Idol contest…or go shopping at Anne’s Attic on a specific evening. I know we could totally run with this and look back on the $9,000 monthly-tuition-slap-in-the-face and celebrate for barreling through…and helping others barrel through, too.

But here’s my problem:

I can’t do this alone. I desperately need you to get on this wagon with me and be in to win it, too. I want to make it right for these children with autism…for the moms and dads…for the brothers and sisters. I want people to be aware and pay attention. Yes, I want to uncover the cause of autism; yes, I want to raise funds for research and education and respite care and medical expenses and therapy dogs; yes…Yes…YES!!! But, in the process, I want dignity and acceptance for those living it, NOW.

Are you in? Will you help? Will you pray? Will you fundraise? Will you consider emailing me, leaving a comment, calling me and saying, “I’ll handle the website.”? “I’m researching.” “Sarah, I’ve got a friend of a friend of a friend who could get us really good deals on t-shirts…” Or, “Sarah, I don’t have the opportunity to get on your wagon right now, but I’d like to give you some ‘gas’ money.”

I hope you will be a faithful family member, friend, and giver of your time, talent & treasure. This is a call for action. The nice words are loved and appreciated. But in the meantime, Stephanie and Dominic are still barreling through each day, and I’m done watching it all happen. It’s time to step up to the plate and join our hearts, hands and minds together. If we come together, share together, and work together, we can succeed together!

So we’re not giving up. How could we?! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Waiting to hear from you,
Sarah

Thankful Thursday

Today I'm thankful for my job teaching at the college. I absolutely LOVE it!

I'm also thankful for my family and friends who supported me through college, especially when I felt like giving up!

What are you thankful for, today?

Here are a few pics for those of you who haven't already seen them.

Big Love,
Sarah

Chimp Poop

Two weeks ago I had a super fun weekend with my mom and a few girlfriends at a Women's Retreat. It was very busy since I had a craft booth set up, but it was well worth the time! (Oh by the way, this has the potential of being a long post...just a warning.) I certainly don't want to forget some of the things that really hit home with me so I want to post them here for myself...and for anyone else who may need some good reminders.

Friday evening and Saturday morning I attended the retreat at the Airport Hilton. I was somewhat bummed out over the food--I discovered that I'm NOT a fan of apple chicken chutney! The music was bearable, and the guest speaker was phenomenal. I had the privilege of hearing her preach a few years ago so I had high expectations, and I certainly didn't leave disappointed. Susie's lat session was by far, my favorite, probably for 2 reasons: first, she had my attention from the get-go when she started speaking about my favorite part of the zoo--the chimpanzees! :) Secondly, she talked about one of the best things in the world--poop! :) lol Okay, okay, not so much...I guess when I really think about it, Chris is probably the only person I know who likes to talk about poop. ;)

So I found out that Susie and I have something in common...we both LOVE monkeys. :) Similar t Susie, I remember putting a pet monkey at the top of my Christmas list for SEVERAL consecutive years back when I was enamored by the cute, cuddly, charming chimps. I could totally picture myself playing in the backyard with him, shooting hoops, swinging, or sitting on the porch while school kids passed by. I would LOVE to go for walks with him, and have my very own "best friend" to take everywhere I went.

And then...you hear the horror stories. And we're reminded every time we go visit the zoo that these funny, entertaining creatures are NOT so nice to be around, nor are they too keen on company--they will defecate in their hands and intentionally throw the poop into the face of someone they do not like. Even worse, is Charla Nash, the Connecticut lady who appeared on Oprah after being mauled and shredded to pieces and left without a face, by a 200-pound chimp. YIKES.

It's in those instances when "your home has now become an extremely volatile environment, in which the forbidden thing you love wants nothing more than to kill you."

Susie went on to say that just like a cute chimp can kill, cute sin wil destroy us. Satan absolutely hates me, and he wants nothing more than to take me straight to Hell with him. Satan comes as a thief in the night, and before I even realize what I'm doing, I'll be asking myself, "How did I end up in this pile of chimp poop?!" It happens...one little dropping at a time. (Gross, yes, but sin is gross. It stinks. It should churn our stomachs, just like chimp poop!)

Susie gave us a battle plan for the chimp fight of our lives.

1. We must realize that it's okay to be different. We were not designed to "fit in" this world; it is not our home!
2. We have to dress for battle and literally wear the armor of God. We are in a WAR! We must pray and establish accountability. We cannot become desensitized to the stink of chimp poop! The dirty website...chimp poop! Flirting with the married man in the office at work...chimp poop! Lies...chimp poop! Gay marriage...it's chimp poop. Gossip...chimp poop. Negativity...chimp poop. Bitterness...chimp poop. Losing sight of the TRUTH--that there is a HELL to shun--simply wanting our congregations to "feel good"...it's all CHIMP POOP!!!
3. Finally, we must keep a clean cage. Search me, God, and know my heart.

Don't get chimp poop thrown in your face. Sin is chimp poop...

and it will kill you.

Needing a shower now,
Sarah

Punkin' Patch 2010

Howdy! Hope you've all had a nice, relaxing weekend! Ours was fun, but rather busy, getting the house in order and unpacking the last few boxes...and going to the pumpkin patch!!! :)

Here are a few pics of the monkeys. Carving pics soon to follow. :)

Big Love,
Sarah

Thankful Thursday

Today I'm thankful for autumn. I'm thankful for cool air, orange pumpkins, red leaves, and hot cider.

What are you thankful for, today?

So Big

Can't believe my sweet, tiny little girl isn't so little any more. She's a (fastly) growing, smart little girl and I'm truly learning just how fast time can fly. Literally. I have been slacking on pictures lately, so here are a few I wanted to post from Maya's very first day of preschool.

On the Road Again

Happy Labor Day to all of you from all of us as we drive thru Olathe, KS! We're currently on our way home from Sedalia, MO where we spent the weekend with our very special friends! We had a great, relaxing (as relaxing as you can get with toddlers lol) time with LOTS of goofiness, laughter, and fun. Exactly what a three-day weekend should be, right?! :)

Hope you all are doing well. I will update soon about our trip with some pics!

Big Love,
Sarah