I am thankful for the fun days we have had...the zoo, the mall, the parks, Rock River Rapids, Exploration Place, family cookouts...we have truly had some amazing outings, and for that, I am most grateful. As much as I am thankful for the time we have had as a family of six, I am even more thankful to be returning to a family of four in the coming week. Every summer during this time, I find myself thinking, "Man, this is so hard. I totally thought this would be easier than last year." And I always prove myself to be a fool for thinking that. :)
It's hard on the girls. They are over 1,000 miles away from home for 5 weeks. Away from Mommy. Away from everything and everyone they know. Away from their mom's home cooking. Away from their "normal" life. Feeling guilty for leaving their other little brother. Listening to their mom tell them how crazily she misses them every night. I honestly don't know how they do it. We stayed in Kansas City for 3 1/2 days, and at the end of Day 3, I was almost in tears, getting homesick, ready to get back to my house -- and I am 30 years old. I can't even imagine what this is like for them.
It's hard on Maya & Gus. They anxiously wait 335 days to see their 'sissies.' When they finally arrive, Maya & Gus quickly become irritated with having to share their already cramped-up bedroom with 2 more people...and their toys...and their movie times...and their Mommy & Daddy...and their Nana & Papa. Yet, they form a close bond with the girls over the month -- playing, teasing, laughing, learning, arguing, crying, caring, loving -- only to say goodbye for another 335 days. It is emotionally taxing on their little hearts.
It's hard on Sam and me. Sam handles all of this way better than I do -- and he probably hurts the most. He knows his time is limited. And those 30 days fly by faster than any other time of the year. During that time, I get to be the evil, ugly stepmom and the nagging wife because Sam doesn't want to spend the only month he has with them by constantly disciplining. Neither do I. Not only does this cause the girls to dislike me -- and give them a false sense of the type of person I am, but it also wreaks havoc on our marriage. In addition, when the twins leave, I get to spend the next month correcting misbehavior of Maya & Gus because they have picked up on bad habits from the older two. I try to take everything in stride, but it takes a toll on my nerves. I can usually close my eyes and breathe through the frustration, but let me be completely honest for a minute: There are some times when I would seriously like to sit down with Sam & their mom in the same room and bash their heads together. :)
Speaking of their mom, it's hard on her, too. I realize that. If I was in her situation, I would probably be tagging along with my rugrats to whichever state they were going to. There is no way I would ever trust anyone with my babies -- especially taking them 1,000 miles away. Nope. Wouldn't happen. So yeah, it's hard on her, and I get that.
It's hard on my parents, especially my mom. The original plan was to have the girls stay home during the day since Sam would be there. But, they kindly asked to go to "Nana's" house every day with Maya & Gus...of course, Nana said that was fine. But it obviously hurts me to see her completely exhausted at the end of every day, with nerves as frayed as mine. I couldn't do it. And you know that ugly, evil stepmom feeling I have? Nana has it too...because she is the person who has to make everyone behave all day long. Again, different rules than Claudia & Camile are used to at home, different ways of communication, different ways of eating...everything is different. Oh, and Papa? Well, he probably does the best with all of the kids -- until his personal bubble is invaded. As long as he can keep all four kids from sitting on his lap at the same time, he is usually great with the whole situation. But who would expect anything different, right? I mean, after all, he's Papa!
I wish there was some way to make this easier on everyone. I wish we could have more time with them. I wish we could go see them more often throughout the year. I wish we had more similarities in our ways of life so we wouldn't have so many clashes. I wish...I wish...I wish..." The fact of the matter is that there is no way to make it easier on everyone. It is what it is. God has us in these specific places during these specific times for very specific reasons. And for that, we must be thankful.
xoxo,
Sarah
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